I'm the queen of saying "I don't care" or "I don't have time for this" so how did I let myself get this dressed out?
Crazy thing is I never know I'm stressed until something happens to me physically like when I got shingles in 2009. I had never even heard of shingles so when the doctor told me I had them I was like "what is that?". That's when he told me it was brought on because of stress and he proceeded to ask me what I had been stressing about and I couldn't even think of what it could be. Sad.
So today I was washing clothes and cleaning my apartment and I randomly got light headed and hot so I sat down. That's when I got that feeling in my stomach and I knew I was about to throw up. I hadn't eaten anything so I was confused and this was different because I was throwing up blood and water which has never happened. I went to lie down and took a nap. I woke up and finished cleaning and did my hair. As I was combing my hair it was coming out! I panicked. I've been noticing this for the last couple of weeks but I thought it was just shedding. That's when I went to my trusted WebMD app and did my own diagnosis. They had a bunch of suggestions which I pretty much canceled out and I realized that I'm stressed!
I really feel like since I'm not working right now and I'm not in school, whyyyyy am I stressed?? But then I realized that all this alone time I have makes me think about and over-analyze all the situations in my life: finances, my mom's health, my daddy changing into this man I don't know and marrying this woman I don't like, my brother and his distance,caring about somebody that I shouldn't be caring about, wanting to switch my major and wondering if I'm making the right decision, inconsistent friends, becoming obsessed with my health, and a list of other things.
I have too much time to sit and focus on all those things and what have I done?...stressed myself out. Now I've gotten myself sick and losing hair which I thought would never happen to me. My mama wants me to go to the doctor and see if they'll prescribe something but I know my problem and I really don't think it's nothing he can do to de-stress me. I have to figure that out on my own. I just hate that I let it get this far.
I realize and acknowledge how blessed I am everyday. My problem is I worry about other people, particularly my family, more than I do about myself. I never want to be a burden on them and everything I do is to please them. I just want to see them happy. I try too hard to be everything for everybody else
But I talked to my mama, read my bible, and prayed. Only thing left to do is take a vacation ;)
p.s.- If you know me, you know I relate every situation I go through to a song. The song that describes my mood and situation right now is probably Getaway by Monica. I'm actually listening to it as I type this :)
