Flaws and All

I wanted to discuss some "flaws" that others see in me as well as these same "flaws" I see in myself. I put flaws in quotations because a flaw is defined as "a feature that mars the perfection of something". Perfection is something that can never be attained so I don't really see flaws as something bad because even if you took away all your "flaws" somebody would still find something wrong with you. I digress.

I've been called out on numerous occasions about my "lack of care" regarding certain things and people. I'm quick to say "I don't care". But unlike most people, when I say it, 95% of the time I genuinely mean it. Worrying about things you have no control and really make you sick! Mainly the reason I got shingles 3 years ago lol. You get shingles from being stressed and I was like 20 years old stressing about other people's problems. I couldn't go to school or work for a week and I had to take meds. So when I say "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS" or "I DON NOT CARE" it's not because I'm trying to be mean but I are more about my own personal health than whatever insignificant problem you're going through at the time. If it's really that bad, pray about it.


"That's your problem Jerisha, you don't care about nothing"
An ex told me that. Shingles was one cause of this "I don't care" attitude I have but also when you've been disappointed or hurt enough in life not caring is almost a reflex. This gets in the way of me meeting new people. I can meet a guy and we exchange numbers, talk, go out, whatever, but after about 3-7 days I lose any interest in attempting to maintain communication with that person. I put forth 0% effort. I don't allow myself to care about guys. I'm not bitter, scorned, or anything, I'm just too lazy to make something work. I'm 23 years old. I'm in no rush to have a family and kids. Maybe in 2 years I'll think about it. Or maybe I just haven't met anybody worth that effort. You make time for what you want. So if somebody tells you they can't be with you because of school, work, family, etc. it's all LIESSSS! If they want to be with you they WILL make a way.

I was going to get into some more things but I have schoolwork I need to be doing. ADD is probably my BIGGEST flaw lol. My attention span is equivalent to that of a 3 year old.

One more thing, the problem with some people is, they still see me as who I WAS and not as who I am now. In that case the flaw isn't with me, it's in your own misguided perception ;)

80/20 Rule

You ever have those moments where you feel like you're constantly getting the short end of the stick?

I go through phases in my life. There was a point where I was super nice to everybody, constantly being taken advantage of. So after that I got to a point where you couldn't get a question out good enough before you heard me say no. I've gotten past that point and now I'm somewhere in between. But lately I been feeling like all my friendships are 80/20 with me giving the 80% to communicate and maintain the friendships. I don't feel like my friendships should require as much work as a relationship, but then again that's just me.

I woke up with this on my mind and told myself that I'm no longer making the extra effort. Going back to the Jerisha circa 2006-2007. I will not be initiating texts and phone calls to my "friends". Sometimes you just need to distance yourself from people. If they care, they’ll notice. If they don’t, you know where you stand. This will also allow me to get more focused on school and my own personal growth.