Straight From My Cerebrum

So I was up last night til about 4am because I was working on my midterm paper. When I finished I laying in bed and couldn't fall asleep so i opened my iphone notepad and just started writing random stuff and this is what came out of that. The first one is all over the place. It's really an assortment of thoughts with no particular order. I just let my mind wonder and typed everything I was thinking lol.

Forbidden love. Hidden passion. It's this thing. This thing we do. We've done. Will it last...Last but not least. It's the least you could do...Done. But wait...Waiting to exhale. I want you close to me. Inhale. Never forsake me...Do it for the sake of me. I read the story written across your face...Face it, you love me. But love is blind. Talk is cheap. I'm broke. Broken-hearted and lost. Lust. Lack of trust...Truth hurts. It hit me. Isaac Newton and that apple. Like Eve. Forbidden fruit. Forbidden love. Hidden passion.

If you know me you know exactly who this one was inspired by lol.

You're beautiful. Not just skin deep...penetration. The ultimate stimulation. Stimulate my mind. Intelligence. Smart man. Athlete with nice balls...basket. Dribble and dunk. I'm the basket...case maybe lol. But it's ok. 2 letters: JB. Tryna be JW. Wishful thinking. Just a thought ;)

And this was the last of my random thoughts.

All you need is it. Peace and it. It is blind. It triangle. No it lost, no it found. Make it, not war. The it of my life. Unlucky in it. Lucky in it. Better to have it and lost than never to have it at all. Fall in it. [LOVE].


I know those were all over the place. Forgive me if you don't understand them. Blame my delusional mind at 4am lol :)

Fifty

Most people who know me know that my mom has cancer. I don't really go into much detail about it because I don't like getting emotional every time I think about it. Throughout the years in my life I've developed passions towards three things: Cancer, Lou Gehrig's Disease, and Child Abuse.

Each of these issues has affected my life in a major way and I feel like I can't sit back and just let it go on. Being sad and dwelling on it won't fix anything. A lot of the choices I've made in my life were a result of one of the three. I've lost family members very close to me as a result of all three. But today I focus on cancer because this is the one that probably has affected me the most.

According to news report on MSNBC the top 10 most deadliest cancers are:
1. Lung
2. Colon and Rectal
3. Breast
4. Pancreatic
5. Prostate
6. Leukemia
7. Non-Hodgkin lymphoma
8. Liver
9. Ovarian
10. Esophageal

I lost a grandpa, a grandma, and 2 aunts to prostate, liver, ad colon cancers. I have a 19 year old cousin who I adore who has leukemia right now. I have a cousin with breast cancer. I know so many more with these diseases and as you can see most are in that top 10. I feel like cancer is all around me and I have to do something. It is my calling and my passion to work with cancer patients.

Though I love and admire the people I just mentioned, the one person that has affected my decision making the most is the one who suffers from 2 cancers, rectal and breast cancer. Both of which are at the top of the list. That person is my mother.

She is 41 and was diagnosed at 40. She just recently finished chemo and radiation treatments. She's had numerous surgeries and I've seen her in so much pain that I hurt with her. Last night I was driving back to Houston from Baton Rouge and she was giving me an update on her condition. She had gone to the doctor to see if the cancer was in remission. The doctor said it was but he wasn't very enthusiastic about it. And I can admit, neither was I. This is because I research about cancer EVERYDAY. I know so much about it and though I was thankful that treatment had worked for now I wasn't fully thrilled about it.

The doctor told her what I already knew. "The recurrence rate for rectal cancer is very high and when it returns, it returns much more aggressively and patients usually don't live very long." He also said "The chance of a rectal cancer patient your age living to see 50 is slim"

Everything he said I was already aware of. But it's not my place to tell her that. Her spirits are always so high and that has a lot to do with the life span of cancer patients.

What she said to me after that has resonated with me since last night. She said "I'm going to keep living my life. I feel great. I pray to God everyday that the cancer never returns and if it does I hope it's not aggressive. Y'all don't be sad if something happens to me. I have enjoyed and lived a good life. I will go to heaven and be with my daddy and Trey. But I have FAITH that it won't return and I'll be here for a long time."

I admire her strength and her faith. I really wish you guys could have heard our whole conversation! It was unlike any other I had ever had. It's like she really just KNEW! I love that! I want my faith to be that strong so I'm working on it. I'll also be working on my mom's 50th birthday party. I know she will have one. I have FAITH :)

Less Cancer, More Birthdays