You never really know the intricate details, complexities, and battles a person is facing just by looking at them. A smile here. A laugh there. Masks that we all wear.
"How are you?"
"I'm good."
"I'm fine."
As we continue on our way, not good and not fine. Proper and socially acceptable responses to a question asked by so many as a common courtesy. How many people have answered this question honestly 100% of the time?
If we really answered truthfully when the question is posed people may look at us weird or with a blank stare.
"How are you?"
"I'm heartbroken. I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm lost. I'm confused. My brother's life has been destroyed and there's nothing I can do about it. How could I let this happen again? To the last brother I have left. I worry about my mother's health. I am nothing without her. I can't lose her. Me and my younger sister are strangers. I'm supposed to be her role model. How could I let us become so estranged? My dad has been aloof lately. What is he hiding? My granny is struggling with a gambling addiction. And let me not even get started on the things that are going on with me. I'm not good. I'm not fine."
We can't say that though. That's not what people want to hear. That's not what people are prepared to hear.
We say the answers people expect to hear because it's become routine. We are creatures of habit.
I'm not looking for sympathy or a pity party. That's never been my thing. Primarily because even though you can empathize or sympathize with me, you could never fully understand everything that has gotten me to this point. That's the reason I don't care to talk about things I'm dealing with. Writing is my way to cope. Writing is my release. That, and prayer. My faith is stronger than any of my circumstances and I know God's got me. So...
"How am I?"
"I'm good. I'm fine."
:)
