Today my brother would have turned 22 years old. Crazy because a lot of people never knew I had another brother other than Gerald. But before Gerald there was Gerterius Travon, but we all called him Trey. And though I was young at the time of his death I can still see vividly the images of a brother whom I adored. He was absolutely adorable with the best hair you would ever imagine! Lol
He was a curious child who always asked questions. A LOT of questions lol. And if nobody was around to answer his questions he would just explore things on his own. Like the time he set a bag of food from Burger King on fire because it was on the stove and he was trying to “warm it up”. He thought it worked like the microwave lol.
It’s funny how the human mind works because I can still remember the morning of my brother’s death and at the time I was 5 but I can’t even tell you what I wore 3 days ago. We had Frosted Flakes for breakfast, and to this day that’s my favorite cereal. I won’t go into details about everything that happened during this time period because tears stream down my cheeks as I type and reminisce about this. But my brother was forced into a tub of burning hot water and was scalded on the majority of his body.
The lady, who was our babysitter at the time, was responsible for this and when he went into shock and stopped breathing you know who she called in the back room to try and help revive him…me. I saw my brother lying on a floor lifeless and skin burned so badly that all I could do is stare. I was in shock. He had to be rushed to the ER and I still remember waiting in the lobby with all of my family. I saw my mom and dad hurting so I said told myself I wouldn’t cry so that they could see I was strong and that I was a “big girl”.
We finally got to see my brother and his body was all wrapped up and he wasn’t saying much. They didn’t want me to see him this way so I had to leave. He passed shortly after. I still remember the single red rose I put on his casket right before they buried him.
But through all that what hurt me the most is when I had to go talk to a lawyer at 5 and defend myself because the woman that did this to my brother told police that I was the one responsible. No I didn’t hold my brother down in that water and scald his entire body and for her to blame that on a 5 year old is just sick. But for years I blamed myself for my brother’s death because I feel like I could have saved him. I could have saved US.
I say this because during that time I experienced the most physical abuse in my life. I whipped with belts, shoes, phones, brushes, extension cords, and pretty much whatever was available. This was EVERYDAY. Not because I was bad child, because I excelled in school and I was never a discipline problem. She had the problem. She would lock me in the back room for hours every day where I would just cry silently to myself because if she heard me I would get whipped again. Around the time she knew my mom or granny was on the way home she would let me out and be really nice to me so I wouldn’t tell on her. This went on for so long. I could give a list of everything that happened in that house but I’m crying just typing this.
I’m going to wrap this up because I didn’t know it would be this hard. I didn’t tell my mom and dad about none of this until my sophomore year of high school. I had so much anger and resentment growing up because they left me there with her. I should have said something then and maybe Trey would still be here. But as a child you’re so scared that you really don’t know what to do. Fear can really dominate your life.
Things that happened in my past have truly shaped the person I am today. Yes, I talk about Gerald a lot because once you lose a brother it makes you super protective of the one you have. I hate that he was robbed of having a big brother but I will be the best big sis he could have. I’ve also learned forgiveness. I finally forgave myself and I forgave her. By far one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. When you forgive people that wrong you, you take your power back.
We’re so quick to judge people’s actions but fail to realize that everybody has a story. I loooooove kids. I'm great with kids. I am avid about stopping child abuse and I hope my story can help someone else.
-A report of child abuse is made every 10 seconds
-1 in 3 girls is sexually assaulted before the age of 18.
-1 in 7 children is abused
-5 children die every day as a result of child abuse.
-About 80% of 21 year olds that were abused as children met criteria for at least one psychological disorder
My heart hurt when I read this. You never had reason to feel guilty. I had no idea what you were experiencing. I told what I knew. I told them I saw her slam her newborn twins against the wall. The doctor told them that your cousin's femur had to have been DELIBERATELY broken by an adult applying pressure to it. When I went away to college in August 1992, I asked why they would let her babysit. You may not remember, but there was another adult in the house on that day. (At least, that’s what I was told years later.) Apparently, he stayed in the room and didn’t intervene. I don’t know. At this point, I don’t know if that matters.
ReplyDeleteKnow this, I loved Trey. I love you, and I love Gerald. I loved the summers (when I was in high school) that I babysat you and Trey. I loved the time I spent in your house. I loved introducing you to Dr. Seuss books. (You probably don’t remember any of that.) I call you “Pretty Risha” not because of your lovely outward appearance, but because of your beautiful spirit that glows from within.
Know that I am proud of you, and I thank you for sharing your story. I know that it has already helped someone else.