I was teaching a class to underprivileged youth.
Frustration filled me as they did everything but attempt to grasp the concepts I was teaching.
I go to my desk, put my head down. Fed up.
Why can't they just listen and follow instructions?
I began to question every aspect of my life.
Should I be in grad school?
Was I making good decisions?
Did I cut the right people out of my life?
I just needed direction.
In anger, frustration, and sadness I began to weep.
I shed tears for the troubles of my past.
I shed tears for my current state of confusion.
I shed tears for the future I couldn't seem to piece together.
Hurt. Shattered dreams.
I reminisce on 18 year old Jerisha who had a plan.
10 year Jerisha who had a plan.
Even 7 year old Jerisha had a plan.
The Jerisha of 24 was lost.
I had my head on my desk.
I could hear the students laughing and throwing things at one another.
Something told me to pick my head up.
I looked at the entrance of the classroom.
I squinted at the bright light that was shining through.
Was I dead? I was confused.
I saw a figure. A familiar figure.
I got up and walked towards it.
As I got closer tears of pain turned to joy as I saw the man.
The man I had admired my entire life.
It was my papa.
Not the papa that was laying in that hospital bed for months.
Not the papa that couldn't talk and was difficult to understand.
Not the papa with the body plagued by illness and disease.
But it was the papa that taught me how to tie my shoes.
The papa that treated me like a queen.
The papa that loved me more than life itself.
A tall, healthy man.
I ran into his embrace.
So happy I couldn't speak.
Tears of joy!
"Pumpkin, you're doing the right things. You're exactly where you're suppose to be. I'm proud of you."
I wanted to ask him so much.
Tell him so much.
Hug him so much.
But before I could, it was over.
I woke up with tears in my eyes.
Not tears of sadness.
Tears of extreme joy.
A beautiful dream.
Reassurance from God sent through a dream.
I guess that's the only time He can get us still and focused enough to listen and pay attention.
I feel like I'm sometimes like the kids in my dream.
Distracted by life, going about and not listening.
Not paying attention and doing my own thing.
I think God is me at times.
Frustrated and fed up.
I had this dream a few months ago when I woke up I decided to write down the experience. I was at a point where I was just so lost and confused. So much was happening and I didn't know what I was suppose to do. I was making decisions not knowing if they were the right ones or not. When you're a child all your decisions are made for you and life is simple. As an adult you're making your own decisions and basically hoping for the best outcome lol. I needed that reassurance. I had that dream about 3 months ago and I can honestly say that since then things have been great. I'm confident in my decision making, job, school work, relationships, and family :)
