Available to be Unavailable

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been observing, listening, and analyzing a lot of the situations that have been taking place around me. From those dealing with friends and associates, to ones involving close family members. My weeks of “research” have brought me to some final conclusions which I wanted to share.

Unavailable people. This could be unavailable physically or emotionally.

“I can’t give you what you want”
“I love you but I’m not in love with you.”
“You know my situation.”
“I’m bad news.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’m really busy.”
“I need more time.”
“What’s a nice girl like you doing with a guy like me?”
“I don’t have time for a relationship.”
“Let’s be friends. Keep it casual”
“You deserve better.”

I know everybody has heard one of these phrases at least once in life. I don’t claim to be a relationship guru because I’m single as a dollar bill, but what I do know is when somebody isn’t interested. All these phrases boil down to: “I don’t want a relationship”, “I’m not ready” , “I’m not interested” or “I’m not leaving my boyfriend/girlfriend for you but we can smash”, or “I only want you for a quick nut, an ego stroke, or a shoulder to lean on”. It’s because people don’t say these things directly that we believe they are “selling a dream”.

We don’t get the hint. We make excuses and use irrational logic as to how we’ll be the one to make a person change. I’m a firm believer that there is a man/woman out there that can make anybody change. If a person comes at you with the indirect statements above, then chances are you’re not that one for him/her.

It’s kind of like playing Taboo. A person is up there giving you hints as to what they what you to guess. Some are good hints and you guess the word right off. Others are more difficult and take you much longer to figure out. It’s your job as the person in charge of navigating your own life and setting and knowing your own boundaries, to be listening, watching, and acting upon those clues. They didn’t miss your call, they didn’t forget to text you back, they’re not too busy, they just are not interested!

Stop making excuses for people’s behavior. Stop playing the victim because if a person came out and said what was really on their mind, then your little feelings would be hurt. If you’re 21 and older there is no excuse to be as naïve as you were when you were 15 or 16.

Now don’t get me wrong, I respect a person who is straight up and direct with their intentions. Keeps a lot of confusion down.

“Yeah man, I told her straight up I just wanna hit and nothing else”

We’ve definitely heard some male in our life say that lol. But chances are you don’t know what that sir is feeding that young lady behind closed doors. Because if that was the case she wouldn’t be all emotionally distraught when they stopped messing around.

Also, if you want a relationship you don't need a “friend” that's trying to screw with your mind or screw you and enjoy the fringe benefits of a relationship without the commitment. In the end you’re doing yourself a disservice. The movie Friends With Benefits was good and all, but movies aren't reality. They give you false hope and expectations for your own situations. Let's be honest, most people who say they can be "friends with benefits" are the same ones on these emotional rollercoasters.